Giving & Receiving

So I have been lazy and I haven't really written a post since I got back from New York. As Christmas approaches I have been so incredibly busy. My sister and lots of friends have come home for the holidays. I am trying to make as much time for them, but it never seems to be enough. I keep dropping plans to hang out or have lunch and it falls through. I thought the holidays were supposed to be a happy time. I had finally decided the holidays suck and I was done, but someone brought me back. Well, a few actually.

I volunteer full time at my home parish. The amount of work I take on is ridiculous and half the time I am so underprepared. It's not fair to me or the kids, but somehow it gets done. Last Wednesday I showed up to yet another event and poured the rest of my energy into it like always. I was so worn out, but this one girl just needed to talk. She seemed to be going through a lot and we talked it out. Even though I wanted to collapse on the couch her need made me stay alert and focused.

One of the other kids must have noticed how I helped the other girl and opened up to me with a real problem. I was just there doing my job like I do every week, but this time I felt like I impacted a few of them. For the past four months I have given talks, sang silly songs, and played games. I can't remember the last time I just sat and listened. Whether the kids know it or not they gave me the best Christmas gift. They reminded me why I wanted to pursue youth ministry in the first place. I wanted to make a dent.

"You can't change the world, but you can make a dent."   

                                  -Edward Norton as Sheldon Mopes in Death to Smoochy

Read more: http://www.toomanyquotes.com/movie_quotes/you-can-t-change-the-world-but-you-can-make-a-dent#ixzz1hQn82co9

Laughter

Here is a post completely dedicated to the things that make me laugh. At 2 AM that was all my sister and I could do. We seldom talk to or really hear each other so this morning was great. When was the last time you laughed? What makes you giggle and lose yourself for a minute?

Have a good laugh on me. :)

It's a hovering cat how can you not?

Being my geeky self Harry Potter jokes are a must.

Do You Believe?

Lately I have been receiving a lot of negativity regarding my life choices. I feel like every time I find a niche I am evicted from it. Why? Because someone's opinion rattled my security. I let those "invisible enemies" infect my dreams until they were shriveled. Those words were my kryptonite. It all started with the: "Are you sure?" "What if?" and "I wanna be proud...BUT" Have you ever felt the way I do? Have you ever felt like the kitten who sees a pride leader or the Ron Weasley who sees the next house boy?

Currently I am an unemployed, occasional blogger/writer/artist, aspiring youth minister, college freshman, living at home. I volunteer 20+ hours a week with no pay. I am a B student at a community college. And guess what... I am happy. I'm not living outside my means or dreaming the impossible, but some see it differently. To them I am dependent, average, hopelessly romantic, flaky, unrealistic, and lazy.

But guess what, they don't matter. They won't have to like themselves at the end of the day or lie to get through it. If I'm not in danger and I am being sensible, then I don't need your negativity. I need your advice and support, in a caring tone. There is a big difference between constructive criticism and destructive words. If you think I can't do it, shut up and let me prove you wrong. Or you can help me succeed. Take your pick, for my sake and that of others. We are here to support and encourage, not to demean or belittle.

When I walk past my mirror I see a confident, faithful, capable, learning, imaginative, innovative, charming, young women. I don't see it everyday, but I have a plan. And I'll get what I want, but your help is necessary. Sometimes it is as little as your smile after a witness. Occasionally I'll need a weekend getaway or an argument. Yes, I wrote that. Not all fights are unnecessary. Some need to happen to air out the issues and relieve that pent up anger. My most life changing realizations were after a fight that was meant to happen. When you shout and defend you see how much you want it, what it's worth, and if you can handle it.

So here's a chance to fight. I can't guarantee you'll win every fight, but if it's meant to be it will.


This blog was inspired by: recent events & "The Value of Believing In Yourself: The Story of Louis Pasteur" by Spencer Johnson, M.D.

Vacation

I just got back from an amazing vacation in New York City, NY.  Honestly, it was the best trip I have ever been on. I researched everything from my hostel to the local events. I didn't leave on a whim, this trip that has always been on my "bucket list." It really started out as a hypothetical thing/way to cross off things from the list, but it soon turned into a reason to forget.

Since the beginning of my senior year I have spent everyday with my best friend. I always knew he would leave for the Marines, but I was never prepared. He left in late August and won't return until mid-December. Even then he will only be home for a week. When he left I signed up for college and soon found out when my winter break was scheduled, November 23, 2011 until January 9, 2012. I couldn't go all that time without him, so I decided to do something about it.

For my graduation I received around $800 and I didn't have anything to do with it. After I put a third of it in savings I began to research. If I stayed in a hostel and worked for my mother I could go to New York for a week on $900. For once I was taking control and doing something on my own. There comes a time in everyone's life when they need to control things.

As soon as I got to the train station all I could think of was my best friend and how alone I was. The whole trip he never left my mind. But I found a way to cope. I believe that God has a plan for each of us and keeps us safe. Well, I definitely saw that on this trip. Just as he came to mind a fully robed Franciscan friar got out of a car. As I checked my bag and received my ticket he struck up a conversation with my mother. He never promised to see I was safe on the train, sit with me in sight, or see me off at Penn station, but he did. God sent me him to feel safe. That experience gave me enough confidence to pursue the trip to the fullest, even if I was physically alone.

In that trip I received a message. God wants us to be happy and experience everything the world has to offer, but there is always a message. And He knows what He's doing. I had the best time because I trusted Him to keep me safe. Once I said, "I'm glad you are watching out for me." He made everything amazing. For example: I met Alan Rickman, Jerry O'Connell, Lily Rabe, and Hamish Linklater. Even though they were extremely busy they had time for me. Also, I made some wonderful friends. At the play I met two wonderful women from London who made sure I met Alan. And I watched chick flicks with two very gruff looking German men. I skipped the Christmas tree lighting for that and I loved it.

Sometimes God is subtle as a truck, but when he whispers it is magical.