True Joy

On St. Thomas Aquinas's feast day his quotes were all over Facebook. The quote below in particular was eye catching. It captioned pictures of joyous saints like St. John Paul II and children playing. The posts were widely shared and seemed to impact many people, including myself.

"No man truly has joy unless he lives in LOVE." - St. Thomas Aquinas

This understanding of true love causing true Christian joy has become a frequent conversation in my daily prayers. Love & happiness are the most attractive traits, the most sought after feelings, the most studied subjects, and still continue to be an unfolding, yet uncontainable mystery for most. They are hard to define and far surpass any other feelings. From what I've seen you must make a choice to devote time and energy towards another person to truly love them. True love is selfless & above all sacrificial. So if you work towards & find that true love you're sure to know that true joy.

Giggles in the retreat house.

My Mom & stepfather are characters.

Isn't this what we were made for? If we were made to know, love, and serve God then we must be made for joy as well. If this is true why do we feel so guilty for having good fun? Or laughing out loud? I don't know about you, but for the longest time I hated my laugh. Every time I giggled, chortled, cackled, burst, chuckled, laughed, tittered, tee-hee'd, or sniggered, it was always the same. I would get red & close my eyes. Tears would stream down my face as I rocked back & forth practically wheezing as I laughed. Then, if it was a really good laugh I might even break the capillaries in my face causing me to be speckled for days. It was so embarrassing... However, my teammate Angelle, loved my laugh. My hoodlums loved my laugh. Everyone seemed to love my laugh.

So I asked God why He and others loved my laugh. I wanted an answer, but I got a question, "Why do you laugh that way?" So I thought. Well, I grew up in a home full of love. Not a day went by that we didn't laugh. It was always more than just a reaction to a joke. It was a reaction to the love my mother provided in a very sacrificial, devoted way of life. She gave up a lot for my sisters and I. Daily she strived to teach us that God is love, that we are loved, and that that fact will never change. No matter how sad or stressful a day was, she had a smile on her face, plenty of witty comebacks, & perfect stories. She is still one of the happiest people I know because she seeks love above all else. It has never been all rosy for her, but man her laugh is great. I realized I laugh so loud and so hard because of the love she shows me. Further, I laugh the way I do because of the love the Father shows me. I can try to change my laugh, but in doing so I wouldn't be me.

I'm not attempting to reduce all that is true Christian joy to laughter, but in my own life I've come to know the love of God and joy through our very humorous relationship. Over the last two years it's been quite a joy. I am living in so much love that I wake up, go about much of my day, & go to sleep with a smile on my face. I see more of life through the lens of love and light than I ever have before. There is something about actively seeking & doing God's will that just naturally places you in love and gives you those experiences of joy. I'm not really sure how I even survived a few years before this mission.

"Man cannot live without joy; therefore when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it follows that he becomes addicted to carnal pleasures." - St. Thomas Aquinas

I was merely existing. My will was much more important than God's and I would justify my actions with statements like, "God allowed it, so it must be His will. Right?" Wrong. I was just going through the motions. I would talk with God occasionally. I would do "His work", but seldom did I seek His counsel. Even still he provided me with so much grace in that time. The most important thing I've learned during my time here in the Pacific Northwest is that I must seek His will and His love above all else or I am doomed to fail. When I am not talking with Him, I am not loving Him. If I am not loving Him then I know no true joy. St. Thomas's words above ring very true. It's really hard to fall when you allow someone to support you. I'm not sure why I ever believed I could do anything without Him, but I am forever grateful He's provided me the love to live a life of True Joy. Seek the LORD above all else & you will always know His true love and joy.

All Was Well

This post is in honor of the one year anniversary of the end of an era. Harry Potter will always be my first love. The series brought me into the world of imagination and amazing writing. I only pray that one day my children will have such an amazing thing as Harry Potter. It is the truest love story I’ve ever seen.

1. If you went to Hogwarts which house would you be sorted in?

On Pottermore I was sorted into Hufflepuff and I think it’s fitting, but I would love to be a Gryffindor. When reading and watching I always thought I would be a good Gryffindor.

2. Have you ever been to the HP midnight release?

I have never been because Harry Potter has always been a family thing and well my parents go to bed early.

3. What did you think of the Deathly Hallows?

I haven’t read the book yet, but it was amazing! Honestly, I think they’re my favorite movies.

4. How many times have you reread the books?

Once, I am in the middle of the first book and read part of Goblet of Fire when it was given to me for my birthday. Unfortunately I have since lost my copy.

5. Whose death was the saddest?

All of the deaths were hard on me, but four really stick out.

-When I saw Dumbledore die I was crushed. He wasn’t just a man filled with wisdom he symbolized growing old, but staying childlike.

-Lupin because I always felt connected to his character. He reminded me of a wonderful religion teacher I had that was always there to talk to.

-Dobby was the hardest on me because Dobby was everyone’s friend. I love Dobby because he just exudes happiness and purity.

-Snape because I was loyal to him from day one. When Harry first looked at him I knew there was something more. I still sympathize with him.

6. If you went to Hogwarts would you rather have an owl, a cat, or a rat?

Even though I own cats I love owls. They are the most intriguing creature.

7. What do you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince?

            I have a love hate relationship with the movie because it was brilliant, but Dumbledore :(

8. What do you think of the Deathly Hallows being split in two?

           It gave people time to appreciate the beauty of the series and properly grieve.

9. Have you read the Tales of Beedle the Bard?

I want to so badly; it’s on my Amazon wish list begging to be purchased.

10. When did you first become a Potter fan?

At an Easter egg hunt I picked up the golden egg, which won me a top prize. Among the prizes was a VHS tape of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This was the first time I had encountered Harry Potter and my love was instant.

Favorite…

11. Female character?

I’d have to go with Luna Lovegood. She is one heck of a character and with all her quirks she’s wiser than all of them.

12. Male character?

The twins because they are just too amazing. I love them so much.

13. Professor?

Professor McGonagall because Dame Maggie Smith did her the utmost justice and she is a completely developed character with lovely detail.

14. Death Eater?

Bellatrix Lestrange, of course, because she is insane and twistedly funny.

15. Magical creature?

House Elves, Pestrals, and whatever Buckbeak is are all my favorites.

16. Spell?

Lumos & Nox or the one for apparating because all three are great. 

17. Quote?

“You’re a wizard Harry!”

18. Place?

Hogsmeade or the Great Hall

19. Weasley?

Molly.

20. Couple?

Hagrid and Madame Maxime.

21. Which of the hallows would you want and why?

         I would want either the cloak of invisibility or the stone.

-Cloak: I could do so much with this cloak. I could travel for free and see every corner of the world. I could hide from bad guys, if you know me at all I am way to paranoid!

-Stone: I would bring my grandmother back so she could settle things and give her kids what for. And it would be nice if we could have one last slice of sugar cream pie after a game of 500 Rum.

"Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

I agree with Simon Wilder on this one, women are perfect. When I think of the movie "With Honors," one key scene sticks out to me. A Harvard student, Monty, has taken in Wilder with the hope that the bum returns his thesis paper. As Monty runs errands he bring Wilder back to the library where he found him. Because of his attire the librarian scolds him, but Wilder isn't phased. Instead Wilder turns to Monty and the following conversation occurs.

"Simon Wilder: Women. Ain't they perfect? Monty: Not always. Simon Wilder: Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're     skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love,  Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

Wilder addresses an issue that has plagued many women in recent decades. As sensitive creatures we have probably always struggled with this issue of body peace, or lack there of. 

This issue of body peace goes much further than liking your outward self. Inner peace is the first and longest step. It all comes down to being comfortable with YOU, not just your skin. Changing the skin doesn't always fix the problem. I had been on a diet since I was eight years old. I tried everything just to look better. But for me I had to realize that my dad was an alcoholic and called me fat when he was under the influence. I had to recognize my own beauty inside and out to escape a couple of abusive relationships. Most of all I had to surround myself with people that thought I was beautiful with or without makeup and in sweat pants or a dress. It takes action and time, but it's not impossible. 

True Beauty

I was at a friend's house last night and as usual we were discussing boys. She said she was crushing on a new boy. But instead of being giddy she was sad. I didn't understand why she was, but now I get it. She can't see what everyone else sees when they look at her. Her view is so clouded. When I see a tall statuesque young lady she sees a thin giant with knobby knees. Every time that boy says, "You're beautiful," she says, "he's just being polite." This is the torture we put ourselves through every single day. No matter how confident you think you are this is a weak spot. This ladies and gents proves how insane we are.

We go around all day waving, complementing, and smiling. Believing we will brighten another person's day, but what about you? Yes, you should do all that for others, but don't forget yourself. When was the last time you truly complimented yourself? Take a minute and write down five positive features about: your body, your personality, your skills, your longterm goal(s), etcetera. Here are some that I wrote down:

     1. I have a great smile.
     2. I am compassionate.
     3. I make a great snicker doodle.
     4. I am a great leader.
     5. I am beautiful in anything.

When you're done tape them to your mirror or beside it. You need to see these everyday. This how I got over the world's view of pretty. This is how I saw myself for everything I am instead of everything I'm not.