Fruits of Your Labor

One of the many joys of working with kids is knowing you’re doing something good, something that may change their lives. Seldom will you see the fruits of your labor, but when you do it is something amazing. When you’ve seen the impact you’ve made on someone’s life it reenergizes you when you’re ready to quit. I have to say the glimpses I’ve seen have kept me going for some time now. But as I begin my certification in less than a week I am reflecting on them more and more.

The first time a kid said I inspired them was probably in my high school youth group. We had ended group for the night and I asked him how his week went. He told me he had to write a paper and that he actually enjoyed it. After some conversation he told me the paper was about someone who was a “Living Saint”. He had written the paper about me. At the time I’m not sure I was as appreciative as I should’ve been, but after all this time I’m still in awe. This instance really committed me to living out God’s plan for me. Honestly, without it I doubt I’d still be pursuing a career in youth ministry.

The most recent one was between my sister, Erin, and I over Facebook. Now, our relationship has suffered since I moved out, but we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently. Last night she posted one of those “truth is” statuses and I liked it just for fun. Normally people don’t really tell you the truth, but this time she did. I cried when read what she wrote on my wall. The message said, “The truth of one Emma: You are a very good person inside and out. I realize that I could be a better sibling to you. I also realize your frustrations are truly real. I thank you for being my guide through this world because you are the oldest and will experience most of the world before me.” More often than not I have neglected my family while ministering to others.  But she still had something truly real to say after everything we’ve been through. That's us in a face off in the picture above.

These are the two events that really stick out to me and I’m sure there are countless others, but in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Everyone will have similar events in their own lives, but you may not realize it at the time. With this we must live because of these events rather than dwell on topping them. No one will ever give me a better feeling than the one my sister gave me as I read that sentiment, but I’m still going to keep ministering. These wonderful lives I’ve touched give me hope for the future and remind me that we are all a part of something bigger. 

Make sure to like the Official Facebook Page to get all the updates!

Lovely Little Reminders

The past couple of months have been pretty ridiculous. At every turn there is more stress.  I’ve been signing up for next semesters classes and fishing my last three weeks of school. But I also signed up for the St. John Bosco Conference through the University of Steubenville so I can receive my youth ministry certification. That is what has been weighing on me the most. It’s daunting to know that I will probably be the youngest person there and this determines my entry into the professional side of youth ministry.

Today I was on the phone with my mother and I brought up the conference. As we talked I realized just how scared I was about the whole thing. I mean I have five days to run through a guided crash course in youth ministry. That doesn’t seem like much time. But she reminded me that I’ve been involved in ministry since the 7^th grade and probably have more life experience than most of these people anyway.

Even with that extra parental boost of confidence I still didn’t feel ready. So I went about my day and stopped at the organic store, Earth Fare, in Centerville, OH. Not thinking about anything I grabbed my groceries and a bottle of tea and I drove home. Well that bottle of tea held what I was looking for. Being so stressed lately my prayer life has been lacking and God and I haven’t had a heart to heart in a while.

I opened my bottle and about half way through the drink I realized the cap had a message, “Yes we can.” Those three little words were all I needed. Sometimes I get so hung up on the big stuff that I forget the small stuff. My mom was right. I did forget all those hours I spent at youth group on Sundays and everything I’ve learned. I forgot that my age is working with me because it allows me to relate with the kids. But most of all I forgot that a few minutes in prayer could’ve saved me all this trouble.

That leads me to a fact that many of us fail to remember. God doesn’t mind reminding you how wonderful you are. He is just like any other parent who wants to see his children succeed. Through out our lives we will all have a lack of confidence and get hung up on something. When this happens you need to remember that you are not alone and that asking for help doesn’t make you weak. At the time I didn’t know how to ask for help, but God knew I was going through something so He did something about it. He left me a note just like the ones my mother would leave in my lunch. He left a little reminder that He believed in me just like He believes in you.

"Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

I agree with Simon Wilder on this one, women are perfect. When I think of the movie "With Honors," one key scene sticks out to me. A Harvard student, Monty, has taken in Wilder with the hope that the bum returns his thesis paper. As Monty runs errands he bring Wilder back to the library where he found him. Because of his attire the librarian scolds him, but Wilder isn't phased. Instead Wilder turns to Monty and the following conversation occurs.

"Simon Wilder: Women. Ain't they perfect? Monty: Not always. Simon Wilder: Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're     skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love,  Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

Wilder addresses an issue that has plagued many women in recent decades. As sensitive creatures we have probably always struggled with this issue of body peace, or lack there of. 

This issue of body peace goes much further than liking your outward self. Inner peace is the first and longest step. It all comes down to being comfortable with YOU, not just your skin. Changing the skin doesn't always fix the problem. I had been on a diet since I was eight years old. I tried everything just to look better. But for me I had to realize that my dad was an alcoholic and called me fat when he was under the influence. I had to recognize my own beauty inside and out to escape a couple of abusive relationships. Most of all I had to surround myself with people that thought I was beautiful with or without makeup and in sweat pants or a dress. It takes action and time, but it's not impossible. 

Aha Moments

Lately, I have been very concerned about the path I have chosen. As an aspiring youth minister I don't plan on being rich, but I want to have a stable income. Currently I am going to a local community college and volunteering with a youth group full time. I couldn't understand how I am staying afloat without a job and a yearly $6,000 family stipend. I am a clothes, accessory, shoe, and coffee junkie who donates on a regular basis so I figured all my money was gone.

I reluctantly asked my mom to write down how much I had left. She looked at me like I was insane and said a number. I must have asked her a thousand times to repeat it. Apparently I had a lot of money left over. I couldn't imagine how that was possible. I mean I bought a bunch of clothes, went to New  York City, paid for two quarters of college, donated to church, bought Christmas for two family's of seven, and drove all over. But I had forgotten something.

I was doing what God had asked me to do. He said it would be tough because I'm not going to the school I wanted or working right now. I just didn't think I could make it. Being someone who rarely asks for help, handouts are not an option. So God found another way. He blessed me with wonderful friends who let me stay for dinner twice a month and a great youth minister who wants me to succeed. My youth minister even found a possible paid internship for the summer. This was my aha moment. Now I know I am stable and I can still do everything I dreamed of...with His help.

If you have aha moments I would love to hear about them. Feel free to comment :)

Photo from: http://www.phillytechguy.com/home/images/stories/aha-moments.jpg

Do You Believe?

Lately I have been receiving a lot of negativity regarding my life choices. I feel like every time I find a niche I am evicted from it. Why? Because someone's opinion rattled my security. I let those "invisible enemies" infect my dreams until they were shriveled. Those words were my kryptonite. It all started with the: "Are you sure?" "What if?" and "I wanna be proud...BUT" Have you ever felt the way I do? Have you ever felt like the kitten who sees a pride leader or the Ron Weasley who sees the next house boy?

Currently I am an unemployed, occasional blogger/writer/artist, aspiring youth minister, college freshman, living at home. I volunteer 20+ hours a week with no pay. I am a B student at a community college. And guess what... I am happy. I'm not living outside my means or dreaming the impossible, but some see it differently. To them I am dependent, average, hopelessly romantic, flaky, unrealistic, and lazy.

But guess what, they don't matter. They won't have to like themselves at the end of the day or lie to get through it. If I'm not in danger and I am being sensible, then I don't need your negativity. I need your advice and support, in a caring tone. There is a big difference between constructive criticism and destructive words. If you think I can't do it, shut up and let me prove you wrong. Or you can help me succeed. Take your pick, for my sake and that of others. We are here to support and encourage, not to demean or belittle.

When I walk past my mirror I see a confident, faithful, capable, learning, imaginative, innovative, charming, young women. I don't see it everyday, but I have a plan. And I'll get what I want, but your help is necessary. Sometimes it is as little as your smile after a witness. Occasionally I'll need a weekend getaway or an argument. Yes, I wrote that. Not all fights are unnecessary. Some need to happen to air out the issues and relieve that pent up anger. My most life changing realizations were after a fight that was meant to happen. When you shout and defend you see how much you want it, what it's worth, and if you can handle it.

So here's a chance to fight. I can't guarantee you'll win every fight, but if it's meant to be it will.


This blog was inspired by: recent events & "The Value of Believing In Yourself: The Story of Louis Pasteur" by Spencer Johnson, M.D.