Thriving in the Loneliness

How many times have you heard someone say, “You are not alone.” Many of you can think of at least a few times when this has happened, but how many of you believed it? As you think about it maybe you have the image of a family member or friend saying this to you and you shaking your head like, “Yeah right.” As much as you hate to hear it, they were right.

As human beings and people of faith we will go through seasons of blessings, belief, doubt, and despair. Each of these seasons is determined by our faith and when you’re lonely it’s hard to keep praying. It is so easy to just go through the motions. Whether you’re married, single, or living the religious life. You will be lonely it’s a fact of life. Your spouse is not the source of your contentment. No amount of school activities will fill your void. A community on it’s own cannot provide you with the support you’re seeking. So, what is the key?

In my small Christian community we’ve been studying the Theology of the Body. Every Tuesday afternoon we get together and listen to a talk and talk about what we heard. Tonight we talked about how hungry human beings are. We hunger to fill our void. We hunger for love, but the love we seek cannot be achieved unless we seek God. God is love, right? We are created to know, love, and serve Him, right?

As I sat and listened I felt so stupid! Our society would have us believe that we need a romantic relationship to fill our void or money, or a big house and the list goes on and on. The only thing that will fill that hunger, the same “hunger that drives great saints to know God” is GOD. (TOB)

Our problem is that we look for something to fill that void in all the wrong places. Christopher West from Theology of the Body explains this paradox very well, “That same hunger that drives great saints to know God can drive them to be great sinners.” I had never thought of it that way.

This is why being lonely sucks. The expression “being surrounded by a sea of people and feeling all alone” perfectly describes how I feel as a single person. It is so hard to wake up and go about my day and go to bed alone. Even though people at school and around town surround me at the end of the day I have two cats and a quiet home to go to. That’s not the kind of life I aspired to live. That’s not the life I read about in storybooks. That’s not the life happy people live.

Wrong. Plenty of happy people live a similar life. They are happy because they are thriving in their loneliness and/or singleness. They are walking with God. Every time they get lonely they can remember God is there. He may not be tangible in the moment, but he is there for you. He’s the listening ear, the song on the radio, and the pleasant weather. He’s even in your positive thinking about your current life.

A marriage may not last your whole life. You may not always live in a Christian community. Your singleness may not last forever. Even if your marriage lasts forever there will be business trips and times spent apart. Even in your community you will need to retreat. Even in your singleness you have the best companion. Being lonely sucks, but God can cure it.

Seek Him in your church communities. Get involved in Christ centered projects and groups. Pray everyday and build a relationship with Him. Serve Him with your gifts. Glorify Him in all that you do. God will fill your hunger and to do this you need to get to know Him.

Over the past month I've been struggling with this issue. It has been so hard to stay positive and not let myself be dismayed over not having a companion. But one of my fellow small Christian community participants put it perfectly, "He has you where you need to be." I found so much comfort in that and I hope you do to. Know that I am praying for all of you and I hope finding comfort in our creator will bring you out of your darkness and give you strength.

All Was Well

This post is in honor of the one year anniversary of the end of an era. Harry Potter will always be my first love. The series brought me into the world of imagination and amazing writing. I only pray that one day my children will have such an amazing thing as Harry Potter. It is the truest love story I’ve ever seen.

1. If you went to Hogwarts which house would you be sorted in?

On Pottermore I was sorted into Hufflepuff and I think it’s fitting, but I would love to be a Gryffindor. When reading and watching I always thought I would be a good Gryffindor.

2. Have you ever been to the HP midnight release?

I have never been because Harry Potter has always been a family thing and well my parents go to bed early.

3. What did you think of the Deathly Hallows?

I haven’t read the book yet, but it was amazing! Honestly, I think they’re my favorite movies.

4. How many times have you reread the books?

Once, I am in the middle of the first book and read part of Goblet of Fire when it was given to me for my birthday. Unfortunately I have since lost my copy.

5. Whose death was the saddest?

All of the deaths were hard on me, but four really stick out.

-When I saw Dumbledore die I was crushed. He wasn’t just a man filled with wisdom he symbolized growing old, but staying childlike.

-Lupin because I always felt connected to his character. He reminded me of a wonderful religion teacher I had that was always there to talk to.

-Dobby was the hardest on me because Dobby was everyone’s friend. I love Dobby because he just exudes happiness and purity.

-Snape because I was loyal to him from day one. When Harry first looked at him I knew there was something more. I still sympathize with him.

6. If you went to Hogwarts would you rather have an owl, a cat, or a rat?

Even though I own cats I love owls. They are the most intriguing creature.

7. What do you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince?

            I have a love hate relationship with the movie because it was brilliant, but Dumbledore :(

8. What do you think of the Deathly Hallows being split in two?

           It gave people time to appreciate the beauty of the series and properly grieve.

9. Have you read the Tales of Beedle the Bard?

I want to so badly; it’s on my Amazon wish list begging to be purchased.

10. When did you first become a Potter fan?

At an Easter egg hunt I picked up the golden egg, which won me a top prize. Among the prizes was a VHS tape of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This was the first time I had encountered Harry Potter and my love was instant.

Favorite…

11. Female character?

I’d have to go with Luna Lovegood. She is one heck of a character and with all her quirks she’s wiser than all of them.

12. Male character?

The twins because they are just too amazing. I love them so much.

13. Professor?

Professor McGonagall because Dame Maggie Smith did her the utmost justice and she is a completely developed character with lovely detail.

14. Death Eater?

Bellatrix Lestrange, of course, because she is insane and twistedly funny.

15. Magical creature?

House Elves, Pestrals, and whatever Buckbeak is are all my favorites.

16. Spell?

Lumos & Nox or the one for apparating because all three are great. 

17. Quote?

“You’re a wizard Harry!”

18. Place?

Hogsmeade or the Great Hall

19. Weasley?

Molly.

20. Couple?

Hagrid and Madame Maxime.

21. Which of the hallows would you want and why?

         I would want either the cloak of invisibility or the stone.

-Cloak: I could do so much with this cloak. I could travel for free and see every corner of the world. I could hide from bad guys, if you know me at all I am way to paranoid!

-Stone: I would bring my grandmother back so she could settle things and give her kids what for. And it would be nice if we could have one last slice of sugar cream pie after a game of 500 Rum.

Fruits of Your Labor

One of the many joys of working with kids is knowing you’re doing something good, something that may change their lives. Seldom will you see the fruits of your labor, but when you do it is something amazing. When you’ve seen the impact you’ve made on someone’s life it reenergizes you when you’re ready to quit. I have to say the glimpses I’ve seen have kept me going for some time now. But as I begin my certification in less than a week I am reflecting on them more and more.

The first time a kid said I inspired them was probably in my high school youth group. We had ended group for the night and I asked him how his week went. He told me he had to write a paper and that he actually enjoyed it. After some conversation he told me the paper was about someone who was a “Living Saint”. He had written the paper about me. At the time I’m not sure I was as appreciative as I should’ve been, but after all this time I’m still in awe. This instance really committed me to living out God’s plan for me. Honestly, without it I doubt I’d still be pursuing a career in youth ministry.

The most recent one was between my sister, Erin, and I over Facebook. Now, our relationship has suffered since I moved out, but we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently. Last night she posted one of those “truth is” statuses and I liked it just for fun. Normally people don’t really tell you the truth, but this time she did. I cried when read what she wrote on my wall. The message said, “The truth of one Emma: You are a very good person inside and out. I realize that I could be a better sibling to you. I also realize your frustrations are truly real. I thank you for being my guide through this world because you are the oldest and will experience most of the world before me.” More often than not I have neglected my family while ministering to others.  But she still had something truly real to say after everything we’ve been through. That's us in a face off in the picture above.

These are the two events that really stick out to me and I’m sure there are countless others, but in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Everyone will have similar events in their own lives, but you may not realize it at the time. With this we must live because of these events rather than dwell on topping them. No one will ever give me a better feeling than the one my sister gave me as I read that sentiment, but I’m still going to keep ministering. These wonderful lives I’ve touched give me hope for the future and remind me that we are all a part of something bigger. 

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Uncommon Kindness

Yesterday something truly inspiring happened. My neighborhood is full of nosy people who call the city if your yard isn't up to snuff. This particular man that calls on us lives five houses down and walks up to our home to stare at our yard. He doesn't do this to anyone else because we're the only ones that call him out. Anyway, we got one of these nasty signs in our yard saying we had five days to clean up the yard. This isn't such a big deal since there's like one patch of weeds that needs done.

It was blazing hot yesterday morning so I planned on going out and working when it was cool at night. About two o'clock I hear my neighbor's lawn mower get really loud. The nice neighbor across the street had been mowing his lawn all morning. Since he's an older man I was worried he hit something. As I look out my window he rides past on his lawnmower.

This sixty something year old man road his lawn mower across the street to mow my lawn. I was astounded. It's not everyday someone in this neighborhood helps someone out. I brought him water and thanked him and checked on him periodically from the window. He just kept going and going for hours on end. Finally, I heard him ride his lawn mower home.

Just as I was sure he was done he came back and cleaned out the space up by the drive. There are always chewing tobacco tins and trash from kids and he got them out of the drain. Now, by this time he had already been outside for two of three hours in eighty degree weather. I had to persuade him to go home and take a break.

When I asked him why he was doing this he said it was to repay my family's kindness. For years we had helped each other out and yesterday we got to see how much we had done for each other. When his mother still lived there we always made that house our first stop for trick or treating. My mother and her would talk on a regular basis and just shoot the breeze. She even mowed their lawn when our neighbor had a broken arm and wasn't able to mow in time to get a similar sign out of his yard.

Both family's have been uncommonly kind to each other in a world that forgets we all fall on hard times. I am grateful for his kindness and even more grateful that we've lived across from each other for these past seventeen or eighteen years. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask God things like why we live in such a hateful world. I've asked Him that a lot lately, but yesterday he showed me there is hope.

To my neighbor, thank you.

1,000 Pageviews

So in celebration of over 1,000 page views from 10 countries I decided to post one of my favorite videos. Being able to have fun and bond over things is key in any faith. The best relationships I have in church related groups were started by something funny.

Thankfulness is another aspect of the Catholic faith and that's why I want to thank you. I appreciate the comments on and off the blog. Every time one of my followers tells me they are inspired I am so humbled.

This blog was started in the hopes that it would inspire others and clearly it has. I have felt very safe here because you give me the ability to share my thoughts. But most of all you have allowed me to be completely authentic. Since starting this blog I have been able to work through many of my issues just by writing and posting it here.

Take what you have learned and what you will learn from this blog and share it with others. Even if my "followers" list to the side never expands passed the six of you I know I am being heard.

Thank You and God Bless

Lovely Little Reminders

The past couple of months have been pretty ridiculous. At every turn there is more stress.  I’ve been signing up for next semesters classes and fishing my last three weeks of school. But I also signed up for the St. John Bosco Conference through the University of Steubenville so I can receive my youth ministry certification. That is what has been weighing on me the most. It’s daunting to know that I will probably be the youngest person there and this determines my entry into the professional side of youth ministry.

Today I was on the phone with my mother and I brought up the conference. As we talked I realized just how scared I was about the whole thing. I mean I have five days to run through a guided crash course in youth ministry. That doesn’t seem like much time. But she reminded me that I’ve been involved in ministry since the 7^th grade and probably have more life experience than most of these people anyway.

Even with that extra parental boost of confidence I still didn’t feel ready. So I went about my day and stopped at the organic store, Earth Fare, in Centerville, OH. Not thinking about anything I grabbed my groceries and a bottle of tea and I drove home. Well that bottle of tea held what I was looking for. Being so stressed lately my prayer life has been lacking and God and I haven’t had a heart to heart in a while.

I opened my bottle and about half way through the drink I realized the cap had a message, “Yes we can.” Those three little words were all I needed. Sometimes I get so hung up on the big stuff that I forget the small stuff. My mom was right. I did forget all those hours I spent at youth group on Sundays and everything I’ve learned. I forgot that my age is working with me because it allows me to relate with the kids. But most of all I forgot that a few minutes in prayer could’ve saved me all this trouble.

That leads me to a fact that many of us fail to remember. God doesn’t mind reminding you how wonderful you are. He is just like any other parent who wants to see his children succeed. Through out our lives we will all have a lack of confidence and get hung up on something. When this happens you need to remember that you are not alone and that asking for help doesn’t make you weak. At the time I didn’t know how to ask for help, but God knew I was going through something so He did something about it. He left me a note just like the ones my mother would leave in my lunch. He left a little reminder that He believed in me just like He believes in you.

Lent

When I was younger I hated Lent because I always had to give something up. So instead of giving up chocolate, which I love, I would give up hitting my sister or something silly like that. Now I realize how much I was missing.

Lent is a 40 day season in the Catholic church that remembers Jesus' fasting and temptation in the desert. The whole point of giving up something is to prayerfully sacrifice something just like Jesus did. 

So instead of looking at Lent as something I had to do I now look at it as something I should want to do. Just like my prayer life Lent should be for personal growth. And Lent doesn't have to mean giving something up, you are allowed to add something.

This year I tossed around a lot of ideas, but I kept coming back to adding some exercise. I decided to add yoga and bike riding to my life. It really tied in nicely because my research paper in English class is about the risks and benefits of yoga. It's always funny when things tie in.

But if you're still trying to figure out what to do for Lent here are some suggestions.

1. Facebook: This site can flood your life with some very unnecessary drama. By giving this up you'll quickly learn how much you depend on it and who your real friends are. OR You can make a resolution to post a quote, song lyric, photo, or some other sort of inspiration. You may never know how much someone needed to read that quote or hear that song.

2. Texting: This is a favorite among my friends because as a society our people skills are going down hill. Giving this up is a must try at anytime because we are all way to reliant on technology. OR As a family, give up texting at the table. My mom does this when the kids are over and I do this when my friends and I are out.

3. Food: It is so common to give up food, candy or soda, but what if you vowed to try new food. Since moving out I try two new fruits, vegetables, or cheeses per month. It is the greatest thing I have ever done. I learn so much about other cultures and develop a wonderful appreciation for the food I am blessed to have.

Remember, it's not about the quantity of the sacrifice it's the quality.

Perfect Timing

It has been quite a while since I posted anything. I have been super busy, but good things are happening. I just moved into my childhood home, inspired my best friend to start a blog, and began my second quarter of community college. As all of this was happening one of my friends said that I had become very mature. That really stuck with me this past week.

Now, I have posted before about my inside jokes with God and this was no exception. I was cleaning off the old fridge in my garage when some piece of paper fell off the door. It was yellowed with age and no bigger than a post-it note. As I picked it up I couldn't help, but wonder why someone would stick it behind a dinosaur magnet.

This is what it said: 

"DEAR FRIEND: Here it is. Thank you for asking. 

Maturity

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence. 

Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long-term gain. 

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks. 

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is being big enough to say, 'I was wrong.' And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, 'I told you so.'

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word and coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the conflicted. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed and the wisdom to know the difference." 

This was an answer to an "Ask Ann Landers" column. The article could've been up there for more than twenty years and I found it at the right time. It's funny how He works, but it always makes me smile.

Aha Moments

Lately, I have been very concerned about the path I have chosen. As an aspiring youth minister I don't plan on being rich, but I want to have a stable income. Currently I am going to a local community college and volunteering with a youth group full time. I couldn't understand how I am staying afloat without a job and a yearly $6,000 family stipend. I am a clothes, accessory, shoe, and coffee junkie who donates on a regular basis so I figured all my money was gone.

I reluctantly asked my mom to write down how much I had left. She looked at me like I was insane and said a number. I must have asked her a thousand times to repeat it. Apparently I had a lot of money left over. I couldn't imagine how that was possible. I mean I bought a bunch of clothes, went to New  York City, paid for two quarters of college, donated to church, bought Christmas for two family's of seven, and drove all over. But I had forgotten something.

I was doing what God had asked me to do. He said it would be tough because I'm not going to the school I wanted or working right now. I just didn't think I could make it. Being someone who rarely asks for help, handouts are not an option. So God found another way. He blessed me with wonderful friends who let me stay for dinner twice a month and a great youth minister who wants me to succeed. My youth minister even found a possible paid internship for the summer. This was my aha moment. Now I know I am stable and I can still do everything I dreamed of...with His help.

If you have aha moments I would love to hear about them. Feel free to comment :)

Photo from: http://www.phillytechguy.com/home/images/stories/aha-moments.jpg

2012!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope the holidays were filled with family and friends. As the new year approached I couldn't come up with a resolution. In past years I said I would lose weight or quit salting my food. In a matter of days I would put it off until I just stopped doing it. This year I am doing something a little different. I am giving myself options. There are so many I doubt I'll forget.

This year should be positive. If the world really does end I would like to leave it happy. So here are some of my options for you:

1. Clean your Facebook: What you see really makes a difference. You don't need depressing messages on your news feed or wall at every turn. To spare someone's feelings you can simply "hide" their posts rather than "block" them.

2. Tidy Up: Remember how your Mom demanded you clean your room. Well, she was really onto something. I always feel better when my room is clean. It doesn't have to be immaculate, but you need to see the floor.

3. Treat Yourself: If you complete a goal reward yourself. This keeps me motivated and I want to do more. Even a Redbox movie rental can do the trick.

4. Keep A Schedule: Knowing when you have time slows things down. I get really stressed when I can't plan ahead. Plus, this gives you a visual of how overcommitted you can be.

This blog post was inspired by Dr. Oz's 28-Day Plan to Renew Your Body, Mind and Soul article in O Magazine. I suggest you all read it. Have a great New Year!



Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Dr-Oz-on-How-to-Renew-Your-Body-Mind-and-Soul?TW=tw_omag_Dr_Oz_28_day_plan&hootPostID=46f4b462804f8782db5fca18aa9cc356#ixzz1iGuPTjca

True Beauty

I was at a friend's house last night and as usual we were discussing boys. She said she was crushing on a new boy. But instead of being giddy she was sad. I didn't understand why she was, but now I get it. She can't see what everyone else sees when they look at her. Her view is so clouded. When I see a tall statuesque young lady she sees a thin giant with knobby knees. Every time that boy says, "You're beautiful," she says, "he's just being polite." This is the torture we put ourselves through every single day. No matter how confident you think you are this is a weak spot. This ladies and gents proves how insane we are.

We go around all day waving, complementing, and smiling. Believing we will brighten another person's day, but what about you? Yes, you should do all that for others, but don't forget yourself. When was the last time you truly complimented yourself? Take a minute and write down five positive features about: your body, your personality, your skills, your longterm goal(s), etcetera. Here are some that I wrote down:

     1. I have a great smile.
     2. I am compassionate.
     3. I make a great snicker doodle.
     4. I am a great leader.
     5. I am beautiful in anything.

When you're done tape them to your mirror or beside it. You need to see these everyday. This how I got over the world's view of pretty. This is how I saw myself for everything I am instead of everything I'm not.

Relaxed

Tomorrow morning I have a paper due. Tomorrow afternoon I have a presentation, a reflection, and a research paper due. All day I was completely stressed, but then God stepped in. I was driving home and I realized that I had enough punches on my coffee lover's card for a free 24 oz. coffee. Yes God came to me in the form of a 24 oz. Fat Free French Vanilla Cappuccino and two packets of Sugar In The Raw.


God can be simple. Most of the time he doesn't come to us in some elaborate vision. He doesn't need fireworks and a show. Instead he needs our attention. Constantly He is speaking to our souls, but we are cluttered. We need to let go of our stresses and relax. I know that it is extremely hard. But when we let go, His grace consumes us and we can hear Him. Sometimes His message won't make sense, but don't worry.


"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,' says the Lord, 'plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope." Jeremiah 29: 11 NABRE