True Joy

On St. Thomas Aquinas's feast day his quotes were all over Facebook. The quote below in particular was eye catching. It captioned pictures of joyous saints like St. John Paul II and children playing. The posts were widely shared and seemed to impact many people, including myself.

"No man truly has joy unless he lives in LOVE." - St. Thomas Aquinas

This understanding of true love causing true Christian joy has become a frequent conversation in my daily prayers. Love & happiness are the most attractive traits, the most sought after feelings, the most studied subjects, and still continue to be an unfolding, yet uncontainable mystery for most. They are hard to define and far surpass any other feelings. From what I've seen you must make a choice to devote time and energy towards another person to truly love them. True love is selfless & above all sacrificial. So if you work towards & find that true love you're sure to know that true joy.

Giggles in the retreat house.

My Mom & stepfather are characters.

Isn't this what we were made for? If we were made to know, love, and serve God then we must be made for joy as well. If this is true why do we feel so guilty for having good fun? Or laughing out loud? I don't know about you, but for the longest time I hated my laugh. Every time I giggled, chortled, cackled, burst, chuckled, laughed, tittered, tee-hee'd, or sniggered, it was always the same. I would get red & close my eyes. Tears would stream down my face as I rocked back & forth practically wheezing as I laughed. Then, if it was a really good laugh I might even break the capillaries in my face causing me to be speckled for days. It was so embarrassing... However, my teammate Angelle, loved my laugh. My hoodlums loved my laugh. Everyone seemed to love my laugh.

So I asked God why He and others loved my laugh. I wanted an answer, but I got a question, "Why do you laugh that way?" So I thought. Well, I grew up in a home full of love. Not a day went by that we didn't laugh. It was always more than just a reaction to a joke. It was a reaction to the love my mother provided in a very sacrificial, devoted way of life. She gave up a lot for my sisters and I. Daily she strived to teach us that God is love, that we are loved, and that that fact will never change. No matter how sad or stressful a day was, she had a smile on her face, plenty of witty comebacks, & perfect stories. She is still one of the happiest people I know because she seeks love above all else. It has never been all rosy for her, but man her laugh is great. I realized I laugh so loud and so hard because of the love she shows me. Further, I laugh the way I do because of the love the Father shows me. I can try to change my laugh, but in doing so I wouldn't be me.

I'm not attempting to reduce all that is true Christian joy to laughter, but in my own life I've come to know the love of God and joy through our very humorous relationship. Over the last two years it's been quite a joy. I am living in so much love that I wake up, go about much of my day, & go to sleep with a smile on my face. I see more of life through the lens of love and light than I ever have before. There is something about actively seeking & doing God's will that just naturally places you in love and gives you those experiences of joy. I'm not really sure how I even survived a few years before this mission.

"Man cannot live without joy; therefore when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it follows that he becomes addicted to carnal pleasures." - St. Thomas Aquinas

I was merely existing. My will was much more important than God's and I would justify my actions with statements like, "God allowed it, so it must be His will. Right?" Wrong. I was just going through the motions. I would talk with God occasionally. I would do "His work", but seldom did I seek His counsel. Even still he provided me with so much grace in that time. The most important thing I've learned during my time here in the Pacific Northwest is that I must seek His will and His love above all else or I am doomed to fail. When I am not talking with Him, I am not loving Him. If I am not loving Him then I know no true joy. St. Thomas's words above ring very true. It's really hard to fall when you allow someone to support you. I'm not sure why I ever believed I could do anything without Him, but I am forever grateful He's provided me the love to live a life of True Joy. Seek the LORD above all else & you will always know His true love and joy.

34 Hours and 28 Minutes

Two months ago I packed up my life and walked into the Dayton International airport to leave for a ten month internship in Bremerton, WA. My mother drove me there and waited with me as I checked my bags. We walked to the security line and I fiddled with my ticket trying to think of something to say. She just asked if I had everything and stuffed a few extra snacks into my carry-on.

Before I knew it she looked at me with tears behind her purple reading glasses. We hugged each other hoping to make the hug last until my Christmas break in December. Soon it was time to go and she just smiled and said, "I love you. Have a good time." I'm still not sure how she did that without crying, but then again mothers are superheroes.

I'm sure that's one of the hardest things either of us have done, but what amazes me is that we weren't scared. She knew God would watch over me and I knew he'd watch over her. This is the definition of faith; knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that God has your best interests at heart. God has given the two of us so much grace through this journey.

Though we're thirty four hours and twenty eight minutes, if I got in my car and drove, our relationship has never been stronger. God called the two of us to this journey and has blessed us since that first prayer.

God Provides :)

I just finished a mini movie night in the living room with the laptop and my kitties. As much as I would've loved a snuggle buddy, that didn't have claws, I am so happy. Since high school I've been asking for a partner in this life. God's answer since day one has been not now. I'm not very patient, but for Him to give me time to learn about me and the rest of His handy work is AWESOME!

Even though I griped every valentines day and school dance, but He still showed me His love. And as I am constantly showed, we find our hope, our drive, and reason for living in that love. God has you where you are for a reason. As much as it seems like torture it's a necessary and temporary discomfort that will give you a glimpse into His immense love if you're open. A glimpse into the love we should seek and always cling to.

So be content in your place in this world and remember God has one of three answers to your requests: Yes, No, or Not Now. And your response should be, "Thy will be done." It's not easy, but this is how you learn compromise and patience for your human relationships. It may not seem like it, but He is giving you all of the tools so use them! We are His children and He is a patient parent. Be present to Him and He will be present to you.

All Was Well

This post is in honor of the one year anniversary of the end of an era. Harry Potter will always be my first love. The series brought me into the world of imagination and amazing writing. I only pray that one day my children will have such an amazing thing as Harry Potter. It is the truest love story I’ve ever seen.

1. If you went to Hogwarts which house would you be sorted in?

On Pottermore I was sorted into Hufflepuff and I think it’s fitting, but I would love to be a Gryffindor. When reading and watching I always thought I would be a good Gryffindor.

2. Have you ever been to the HP midnight release?

I have never been because Harry Potter has always been a family thing and well my parents go to bed early.

3. What did you think of the Deathly Hallows?

I haven’t read the book yet, but it was amazing! Honestly, I think they’re my favorite movies.

4. How many times have you reread the books?

Once, I am in the middle of the first book and read part of Goblet of Fire when it was given to me for my birthday. Unfortunately I have since lost my copy.

5. Whose death was the saddest?

All of the deaths were hard on me, but four really stick out.

-When I saw Dumbledore die I was crushed. He wasn’t just a man filled with wisdom he symbolized growing old, but staying childlike.

-Lupin because I always felt connected to his character. He reminded me of a wonderful religion teacher I had that was always there to talk to.

-Dobby was the hardest on me because Dobby was everyone’s friend. I love Dobby because he just exudes happiness and purity.

-Snape because I was loyal to him from day one. When Harry first looked at him I knew there was something more. I still sympathize with him.

6. If you went to Hogwarts would you rather have an owl, a cat, or a rat?

Even though I own cats I love owls. They are the most intriguing creature.

7. What do you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince?

            I have a love hate relationship with the movie because it was brilliant, but Dumbledore :(

8. What do you think of the Deathly Hallows being split in two?

           It gave people time to appreciate the beauty of the series and properly grieve.

9. Have you read the Tales of Beedle the Bard?

I want to so badly; it’s on my Amazon wish list begging to be purchased.

10. When did you first become a Potter fan?

At an Easter egg hunt I picked up the golden egg, which won me a top prize. Among the prizes was a VHS tape of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. This was the first time I had encountered Harry Potter and my love was instant.

Favorite…

11. Female character?

I’d have to go with Luna Lovegood. She is one heck of a character and with all her quirks she’s wiser than all of them.

12. Male character?

The twins because they are just too amazing. I love them so much.

13. Professor?

Professor McGonagall because Dame Maggie Smith did her the utmost justice and she is a completely developed character with lovely detail.

14. Death Eater?

Bellatrix Lestrange, of course, because she is insane and twistedly funny.

15. Magical creature?

House Elves, Pestrals, and whatever Buckbeak is are all my favorites.

16. Spell?

Lumos & Nox or the one for apparating because all three are great. 

17. Quote?

“You’re a wizard Harry!”

18. Place?

Hogsmeade or the Great Hall

19. Weasley?

Molly.

20. Couple?

Hagrid and Madame Maxime.

21. Which of the hallows would you want and why?

         I would want either the cloak of invisibility or the stone.

-Cloak: I could do so much with this cloak. I could travel for free and see every corner of the world. I could hide from bad guys, if you know me at all I am way to paranoid!

-Stone: I would bring my grandmother back so she could settle things and give her kids what for. And it would be nice if we could have one last slice of sugar cream pie after a game of 500 Rum.

Uncommon Kindness

Yesterday something truly inspiring happened. My neighborhood is full of nosy people who call the city if your yard isn't up to snuff. This particular man that calls on us lives five houses down and walks up to our home to stare at our yard. He doesn't do this to anyone else because we're the only ones that call him out. Anyway, we got one of these nasty signs in our yard saying we had five days to clean up the yard. This isn't such a big deal since there's like one patch of weeds that needs done.

It was blazing hot yesterday morning so I planned on going out and working when it was cool at night. About two o'clock I hear my neighbor's lawn mower get really loud. The nice neighbor across the street had been mowing his lawn all morning. Since he's an older man I was worried he hit something. As I look out my window he rides past on his lawnmower.

This sixty something year old man road his lawn mower across the street to mow my lawn. I was astounded. It's not everyday someone in this neighborhood helps someone out. I brought him water and thanked him and checked on him periodically from the window. He just kept going and going for hours on end. Finally, I heard him ride his lawn mower home.

Just as I was sure he was done he came back and cleaned out the space up by the drive. There are always chewing tobacco tins and trash from kids and he got them out of the drain. Now, by this time he had already been outside for two of three hours in eighty degree weather. I had to persuade him to go home and take a break.

When I asked him why he was doing this he said it was to repay my family's kindness. For years we had helped each other out and yesterday we got to see how much we had done for each other. When his mother still lived there we always made that house our first stop for trick or treating. My mother and her would talk on a regular basis and just shoot the breeze. She even mowed their lawn when our neighbor had a broken arm and wasn't able to mow in time to get a similar sign out of his yard.

Both family's have been uncommonly kind to each other in a world that forgets we all fall on hard times. I am grateful for his kindness and even more grateful that we've lived across from each other for these past seventeen or eighteen years. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask God things like why we live in such a hateful world. I've asked Him that a lot lately, but yesterday he showed me there is hope.

To my neighbor, thank you.

"Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

I agree with Simon Wilder on this one, women are perfect. When I think of the movie "With Honors," one key scene sticks out to me. A Harvard student, Monty, has taken in Wilder with the hope that the bum returns his thesis paper. As Monty runs errands he bring Wilder back to the library where he found him. Because of his attire the librarian scolds him, but Wilder isn't phased. Instead Wilder turns to Monty and the following conversation occurs.

"Simon Wilder: Women. Ain't they perfect? Monty: Not always. Simon Wilder: Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're     skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love,  Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

Wilder addresses an issue that has plagued many women in recent decades. As sensitive creatures we have probably always struggled with this issue of body peace, or lack there of. 

This issue of body peace goes much further than liking your outward self. Inner peace is the first and longest step. It all comes down to being comfortable with YOU, not just your skin. Changing the skin doesn't always fix the problem. I had been on a diet since I was eight years old. I tried everything just to look better. But for me I had to realize that my dad was an alcoholic and called me fat when he was under the influence. I had to recognize my own beauty inside and out to escape a couple of abusive relationships. Most of all I had to surround myself with people that thought I was beautiful with or without makeup and in sweat pants or a dress. It takes action and time, but it's not impossible. 

Perfect Timing

It has been quite a while since I posted anything. I have been super busy, but good things are happening. I just moved into my childhood home, inspired my best friend to start a blog, and began my second quarter of community college. As all of this was happening one of my friends said that I had become very mature. That really stuck with me this past week.

Now, I have posted before about my inside jokes with God and this was no exception. I was cleaning off the old fridge in my garage when some piece of paper fell off the door. It was yellowed with age and no bigger than a post-it note. As I picked it up I couldn't help, but wonder why someone would stick it behind a dinosaur magnet.

This is what it said: 

"DEAR FRIEND: Here it is. Thank you for asking. 

Maturity

Maturity is the ability to control anger and settle differences without violence. 

Maturity is patience. It is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of a long-term gain. 

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging setbacks. 

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is being big enough to say, 'I was wrong.' And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, 'I told you so.'

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities and then do nothing.

Maturity means dependability, keeping one's word and coming through in a crisis. The immature are masters of the alibi. They are the confused and the conflicted. Their lives are a maze of broken promises, former friends, unfinished business and good intentions that somehow never materialize.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with what we cannot change, the courage to change what should be changed and the wisdom to know the difference." 

This was an answer to an "Ask Ann Landers" column. The article could've been up there for more than twenty years and I found it at the right time. It's funny how He works, but it always makes me smile.

Memories

Don't you love catching up with a friend? It doesn't matter if it's for five minutes or five hours, it's priceless. Well, I met up with a friend this morning and it was great. We only had a few classes together in high school, but agreed that one class changed our lives.

French class was our escape from the world. No matter what was going on outside those white cinderblock walls, we could vent. Most of us got to the point that the way another walked in said it all. You see it wasn't a normal class. You gained life experience and a support system.

I probably couldn't tell you most of the vocabulary we learned, but I can quote "The Little Prince" and order a ham and cheese sandwich. Our teacher taught us so much more than french history and grammar. She showed us what integrity is and how strong love is. Come hell or high water that woman could put a smile on your face. That is the class I miss and will always want to relive, but life goes on. I thought the picture was fitting because after graduation it was like she stamped a permanent smile on your heart. Je t'aime Madame Rike.

True Beauty

I was at a friend's house last night and as usual we were discussing boys. She said she was crushing on a new boy. But instead of being giddy she was sad. I didn't understand why she was, but now I get it. She can't see what everyone else sees when they look at her. Her view is so clouded. When I see a tall statuesque young lady she sees a thin giant with knobby knees. Every time that boy says, "You're beautiful," she says, "he's just being polite." This is the torture we put ourselves through every single day. No matter how confident you think you are this is a weak spot. This ladies and gents proves how insane we are.

We go around all day waving, complementing, and smiling. Believing we will brighten another person's day, but what about you? Yes, you should do all that for others, but don't forget yourself. When was the last time you truly complimented yourself? Take a minute and write down five positive features about: your body, your personality, your skills, your longterm goal(s), etcetera. Here are some that I wrote down:

     1. I have a great smile.
     2. I am compassionate.
     3. I make a great snicker doodle.
     4. I am a great leader.
     5. I am beautiful in anything.

When you're done tape them to your mirror or beside it. You need to see these everyday. This how I got over the world's view of pretty. This is how I saw myself for everything I am instead of everything I'm not.