You Are Called

I’ve been absent from this blog for quite a while because God has been doing some work. You know how He likes to specialize in that “sandpaper ministry”. This past year has been incredible and hectic, fruitful and exasperating, joyous and trying.

It all started when I got home from my first year at the St. John Bosco conference last July. My heart could not have been more on fire for God when I got home. By that August I was in a small Christian community and openly defending the faith in my Eastern religions class, that’s another story. And by that November I was busy, successful, and then there was this guy…

I thought we were made for each other. Our meeting from the beginning was truly written by God, but ours wasn’t the ending I wanted. The sandpaper came in here because I was stuck between, “This guy is what I want” and “Is he what I need?” We didn’t make it and I was angry with God. For a while things were great and I was comfortable and then all of the sudden things sucked.

As if things couldn’t get worse, in prayer God told me to look for a job. I ignored Him for months making all kind of excuses. Finally, the “sandpaper” wore me thin and I knew I had to trust Him in this moment. I found five youth ministry jobs I would like and applied for an internship in Washington. My immediate thought was, “He won’t send me there, but I can at least say I tried.”

And wouldn’t you know it, I was hired in less than twenty-four hours. God is very funny and always has our best interests at heart even when we’re brats. Had you told me this time last year that I would be moving across the country I would've had you committed. For the longest time I’ve said, “If I’m doing youth ministry I’m doing it in Ohio!”

Had I been given my way I would probably be in a dead end relationship and too frustrated to be able to grow a fruitful ministry. As much as that “sandpaper” hurts we need to offer our suffering up with the knowledge that it will help another; all while remembering that God loves us and is with us always. God doesn’t call the equipped he equips the called and it takes work.

The sooner we let God take over the better. Trust me I know it’s not easy. I leave for Washington in eight days and it’s been tough, but it’s the moments that make you the most uncomfortable that prove to be the most rewarding. I can’t wait to see what happens next because this is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Pray that you and I may be given the strength to give God the control and trust that he has us in His hands.

Fruits of Your Labor

One of the many joys of working with kids is knowing you’re doing something good, something that may change their lives. Seldom will you see the fruits of your labor, but when you do it is something amazing. When you’ve seen the impact you’ve made on someone’s life it reenergizes you when you’re ready to quit. I have to say the glimpses I’ve seen have kept me going for some time now. But as I begin my certification in less than a week I am reflecting on them more and more.

The first time a kid said I inspired them was probably in my high school youth group. We had ended group for the night and I asked him how his week went. He told me he had to write a paper and that he actually enjoyed it. After some conversation he told me the paper was about someone who was a “Living Saint”. He had written the paper about me. At the time I’m not sure I was as appreciative as I should’ve been, but after all this time I’m still in awe. This instance really committed me to living out God’s plan for me. Honestly, without it I doubt I’d still be pursuing a career in youth ministry.

The most recent one was between my sister, Erin, and I over Facebook. Now, our relationship has suffered since I moved out, but we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently. Last night she posted one of those “truth is” statuses and I liked it just for fun. Normally people don’t really tell you the truth, but this time she did. I cried when read what she wrote on my wall. The message said, “The truth of one Emma: You are a very good person inside and out. I realize that I could be a better sibling to you. I also realize your frustrations are truly real. I thank you for being my guide through this world because you are the oldest and will experience most of the world before me.” More often than not I have neglected my family while ministering to others.  But she still had something truly real to say after everything we’ve been through. That's us in a face off in the picture above.

These are the two events that really stick out to me and I’m sure there are countless others, but in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Everyone will have similar events in their own lives, but you may not realize it at the time. With this we must live because of these events rather than dwell on topping them. No one will ever give me a better feeling than the one my sister gave me as I read that sentiment, but I’m still going to keep ministering. These wonderful lives I’ve touched give me hope for the future and remind me that we are all a part of something bigger. 

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1,000 Pageviews

So in celebration of over 1,000 page views from 10 countries I decided to post one of my favorite videos. Being able to have fun and bond over things is key in any faith. The best relationships I have in church related groups were started by something funny.

Thankfulness is another aspect of the Catholic faith and that's why I want to thank you. I appreciate the comments on and off the blog. Every time one of my followers tells me they are inspired I am so humbled.

This blog was started in the hopes that it would inspire others and clearly it has. I have felt very safe here because you give me the ability to share my thoughts. But most of all you have allowed me to be completely authentic. Since starting this blog I have been able to work through many of my issues just by writing and posting it here.

Take what you have learned and what you will learn from this blog and share it with others. Even if my "followers" list to the side never expands passed the six of you I know I am being heard.

Thank You and God Bless

Lovely Little Reminders

The past couple of months have been pretty ridiculous. At every turn there is more stress.  I’ve been signing up for next semesters classes and fishing my last three weeks of school. But I also signed up for the St. John Bosco Conference through the University of Steubenville so I can receive my youth ministry certification. That is what has been weighing on me the most. It’s daunting to know that I will probably be the youngest person there and this determines my entry into the professional side of youth ministry.

Today I was on the phone with my mother and I brought up the conference. As we talked I realized just how scared I was about the whole thing. I mean I have five days to run through a guided crash course in youth ministry. That doesn’t seem like much time. But she reminded me that I’ve been involved in ministry since the 7^th grade and probably have more life experience than most of these people anyway.

Even with that extra parental boost of confidence I still didn’t feel ready. So I went about my day and stopped at the organic store, Earth Fare, in Centerville, OH. Not thinking about anything I grabbed my groceries and a bottle of tea and I drove home. Well that bottle of tea held what I was looking for. Being so stressed lately my prayer life has been lacking and God and I haven’t had a heart to heart in a while.

I opened my bottle and about half way through the drink I realized the cap had a message, “Yes we can.” Those three little words were all I needed. Sometimes I get so hung up on the big stuff that I forget the small stuff. My mom was right. I did forget all those hours I spent at youth group on Sundays and everything I’ve learned. I forgot that my age is working with me because it allows me to relate with the kids. But most of all I forgot that a few minutes in prayer could’ve saved me all this trouble.

That leads me to a fact that many of us fail to remember. God doesn’t mind reminding you how wonderful you are. He is just like any other parent who wants to see his children succeed. Through out our lives we will all have a lack of confidence and get hung up on something. When this happens you need to remember that you are not alone and that asking for help doesn’t make you weak. At the time I didn’t know how to ask for help, but God knew I was going through something so He did something about it. He left me a note just like the ones my mother would leave in my lunch. He left a little reminder that He believed in me just like He believes in you.

"Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

I agree with Simon Wilder on this one, women are perfect. When I think of the movie "With Honors," one key scene sticks out to me. A Harvard student, Monty, has taken in Wilder with the hope that the bum returns his thesis paper. As Monty runs errands he bring Wilder back to the library where he found him. Because of his attire the librarian scolds him, but Wilder isn't phased. Instead Wilder turns to Monty and the following conversation occurs.

"Simon Wilder: Women. Ain't they perfect? Monty: Not always. Simon Wilder: Yes, they are, they're perfect. Don't matter if they're     skinny, fat, blond or blue. If a woman is willing to give you her love,  Harvard, it's the greatest gift in the world. Makes you taller, makes you smarter, makes your teeth shine. Boy, oh, boy, women are perfect."

Wilder addresses an issue that has plagued many women in recent decades. As sensitive creatures we have probably always struggled with this issue of body peace, or lack there of. 

This issue of body peace goes much further than liking your outward self. Inner peace is the first and longest step. It all comes down to being comfortable with YOU, not just your skin. Changing the skin doesn't always fix the problem. I had been on a diet since I was eight years old. I tried everything just to look better. But for me I had to realize that my dad was an alcoholic and called me fat when he was under the influence. I had to recognize my own beauty inside and out to escape a couple of abusive relationships. Most of all I had to surround myself with people that thought I was beautiful with or without makeup and in sweat pants or a dress. It takes action and time, but it's not impossible. 

Lent

When I was younger I hated Lent because I always had to give something up. So instead of giving up chocolate, which I love, I would give up hitting my sister or something silly like that. Now I realize how much I was missing.

Lent is a 40 day season in the Catholic church that remembers Jesus' fasting and temptation in the desert. The whole point of giving up something is to prayerfully sacrifice something just like Jesus did. 

So instead of looking at Lent as something I had to do I now look at it as something I should want to do. Just like my prayer life Lent should be for personal growth. And Lent doesn't have to mean giving something up, you are allowed to add something.

This year I tossed around a lot of ideas, but I kept coming back to adding some exercise. I decided to add yoga and bike riding to my life. It really tied in nicely because my research paper in English class is about the risks and benefits of yoga. It's always funny when things tie in.

But if you're still trying to figure out what to do for Lent here are some suggestions.

1. Facebook: This site can flood your life with some very unnecessary drama. By giving this up you'll quickly learn how much you depend on it and who your real friends are. OR You can make a resolution to post a quote, song lyric, photo, or some other sort of inspiration. You may never know how much someone needed to read that quote or hear that song.

2. Texting: This is a favorite among my friends because as a society our people skills are going down hill. Giving this up is a must try at anytime because we are all way to reliant on technology. OR As a family, give up texting at the table. My mom does this when the kids are over and I do this when my friends and I are out.

3. Food: It is so common to give up food, candy or soda, but what if you vowed to try new food. Since moving out I try two new fruits, vegetables, or cheeses per month. It is the greatest thing I have ever done. I learn so much about other cultures and develop a wonderful appreciation for the food I am blessed to have.

Remember, it's not about the quantity of the sacrifice it's the quality.

Memories

Don't you love catching up with a friend? It doesn't matter if it's for five minutes or five hours, it's priceless. Well, I met up with a friend this morning and it was great. We only had a few classes together in high school, but agreed that one class changed our lives.

French class was our escape from the world. No matter what was going on outside those white cinderblock walls, we could vent. Most of us got to the point that the way another walked in said it all. You see it wasn't a normal class. You gained life experience and a support system.

I probably couldn't tell you most of the vocabulary we learned, but I can quote "The Little Prince" and order a ham and cheese sandwich. Our teacher taught us so much more than french history and grammar. She showed us what integrity is and how strong love is. Come hell or high water that woman could put a smile on your face. That is the class I miss and will always want to relive, but life goes on. I thought the picture was fitting because after graduation it was like she stamped a permanent smile on your heart. Je t'aime Madame Rike.

Aha Moments

Lately, I have been very concerned about the path I have chosen. As an aspiring youth minister I don't plan on being rich, but I want to have a stable income. Currently I am going to a local community college and volunteering with a youth group full time. I couldn't understand how I am staying afloat without a job and a yearly $6,000 family stipend. I am a clothes, accessory, shoe, and coffee junkie who donates on a regular basis so I figured all my money was gone.

I reluctantly asked my mom to write down how much I had left. She looked at me like I was insane and said a number. I must have asked her a thousand times to repeat it. Apparently I had a lot of money left over. I couldn't imagine how that was possible. I mean I bought a bunch of clothes, went to New  York City, paid for two quarters of college, donated to church, bought Christmas for two family's of seven, and drove all over. But I had forgotten something.

I was doing what God had asked me to do. He said it would be tough because I'm not going to the school I wanted or working right now. I just didn't think I could make it. Being someone who rarely asks for help, handouts are not an option. So God found another way. He blessed me with wonderful friends who let me stay for dinner twice a month and a great youth minister who wants me to succeed. My youth minister even found a possible paid internship for the summer. This was my aha moment. Now I know I am stable and I can still do everything I dreamed of...with His help.

If you have aha moments I would love to hear about them. Feel free to comment :)

Photo from: http://www.phillytechguy.com/home/images/stories/aha-moments.jpg

Giving & Receiving

So I have been lazy and I haven't really written a post since I got back from New York. As Christmas approaches I have been so incredibly busy. My sister and lots of friends have come home for the holidays. I am trying to make as much time for them, but it never seems to be enough. I keep dropping plans to hang out or have lunch and it falls through. I thought the holidays were supposed to be a happy time. I had finally decided the holidays suck and I was done, but someone brought me back. Well, a few actually.

I volunteer full time at my home parish. The amount of work I take on is ridiculous and half the time I am so underprepared. It's not fair to me or the kids, but somehow it gets done. Last Wednesday I showed up to yet another event and poured the rest of my energy into it like always. I was so worn out, but this one girl just needed to talk. She seemed to be going through a lot and we talked it out. Even though I wanted to collapse on the couch her need made me stay alert and focused.

One of the other kids must have noticed how I helped the other girl and opened up to me with a real problem. I was just there doing my job like I do every week, but this time I felt like I impacted a few of them. For the past four months I have given talks, sang silly songs, and played games. I can't remember the last time I just sat and listened. Whether the kids know it or not they gave me the best Christmas gift. They reminded me why I wanted to pursue youth ministry in the first place. I wanted to make a dent.

"You can't change the world, but you can make a dent."   

                                  -Edward Norton as Sheldon Mopes in Death to Smoochy

Read more: http://www.toomanyquotes.com/movie_quotes/you-can-t-change-the-world-but-you-can-make-a-dent#ixzz1hQn82co9