You Are Called

I’ve been absent from this blog for quite a while because God has been doing some work. You know how He likes to specialize in that “sandpaper ministry”. This past year has been incredible and hectic, fruitful and exasperating, joyous and trying.

It all started when I got home from my first year at the St. John Bosco conference last July. My heart could not have been more on fire for God when I got home. By that August I was in a small Christian community and openly defending the faith in my Eastern religions class, that’s another story. And by that November I was busy, successful, and then there was this guy…

I thought we were made for each other. Our meeting from the beginning was truly written by God, but ours wasn’t the ending I wanted. The sandpaper came in here because I was stuck between, “This guy is what I want” and “Is he what I need?” We didn’t make it and I was angry with God. For a while things were great and I was comfortable and then all of the sudden things sucked.

As if things couldn’t get worse, in prayer God told me to look for a job. I ignored Him for months making all kind of excuses. Finally, the “sandpaper” wore me thin and I knew I had to trust Him in this moment. I found five youth ministry jobs I would like and applied for an internship in Washington. My immediate thought was, “He won’t send me there, but I can at least say I tried.”

And wouldn’t you know it, I was hired in less than twenty-four hours. God is very funny and always has our best interests at heart even when we’re brats. Had you told me this time last year that I would be moving across the country I would've had you committed. For the longest time I’ve said, “If I’m doing youth ministry I’m doing it in Ohio!”

Had I been given my way I would probably be in a dead end relationship and too frustrated to be able to grow a fruitful ministry. As much as that “sandpaper” hurts we need to offer our suffering up with the knowledge that it will help another; all while remembering that God loves us and is with us always. God doesn’t call the equipped he equips the called and it takes work.

The sooner we let God take over the better. Trust me I know it’s not easy. I leave for Washington in eight days and it’s been tough, but it’s the moments that make you the most uncomfortable that prove to be the most rewarding. I can’t wait to see what happens next because this is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Pray that you and I may be given the strength to give God the control and trust that he has us in His hands.

Wanted: Prayer

In the time it’s taken me to get back to this blog I’ve been through a lot. I’ve lost my footing and stumbled, more like face planted half the time. I’m not out of the woods yet, but during the Lenten season I gained some perspective on the power of prayer and what it really means to be a disciple of Christ.

Lent is a time of fasting from and praying for the removal of what gets in the way of your relationship with God. In addition, it’s time to spend with God and ask Him what you need. Now nowhere in the Bible does it say that a maintaining a relationship with God is easy, although I spent ninety percent of Lent wishing it did. The Bible does say, however, that through it all God is with us.

“I will never forsake you or abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5 NAB

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time remembering that in a struggle.

For Lent I gave up putting myself down and by the third week I was stressing. Then, my relationship with a guy ended in heartbreak. And as if I needed anything else to deal with, I found out I have a heart condition. In short, my Lenten experience was going downhill fast.

I felt like I was weak, out of control, and forgotten: three things that I hated feeling and refused to admit. I went into Easter angry with myself for failing and feeling like an idiot. I didn’t understand what the message of this struggle was and didn’t really care. All I knew was that I was thoroughly unhappy.

A week later I found myself sitting in the Blessed Sacrament chapel reading a reflection on discipleship with the rest of the leadership team. The whole time I was uncomfortable because I knew whom I was in front of and that I wanted to leave. It felt awkward being in front of the Lord in that moment. In my head I kept saying things like “Why am I even here?” and “I want to leave, but I can’t leave that’d be rude.”

I was forced to sit there in that silent awkwardness and listen to the Lord. I had to confront my bitterness and ask the Lord for help. I hated asking for help. My pride is so consuming at times that I would rather suffer than admit I need help with something. To me I was admitting I was weak which made me feel inadequate and I can’t stand being inadequate.

And of course what were we discussing in that moment, Luke 9:46-48, the story of the apostles arguing about who is the greatest. As much as I hate when the Lord calls me out and says, “Wake up and pay attention!” I love that He does it in a loving way. I went home that night and prayed hard. I sat in His embrace and heard in my heart, “You’re not the only one going through this valley. Others have been here and you need to ask for help. You need to ask for prayers.”

As I said before, I hate asking for help, but I know better than to disobey the Lord in this moment. I need your prayers so I can move on from this. But it’s not that I just need them, I want them. I know that prayer is our greatest weapon and the best medicine; I’d be foolish to not ask for pride’s sake.

Thank you prayer warriors.