And God Gave Me Rest

This picture perfectly describes the last month & a half. I know this is what exhaustion looks like. Ever since I returned to Washington I've been on the move, literally. The first thing I did was move from one missionary house to another in less than twelve hours after I got off the plane. I compiled donations from this house. I cleaned up that one. I enlisted plenty of my hoodlums to move furniture. And I freaked out... I felt an urgency that no one put on me. I was even told, "Take a day or two. Get caught up on sleep." But I was overwhelmed because I wanted things to be perfect...

Despite the onset of frustration I just threw myself into more tasks seeking perfection. I staffed the Ignite Your Torch Northwest conference in Olympia, WA for the second year and it was a great conference, but I couldn't enjoy it. I spent the majority of my time before the conference working from 9:30 AM until 2 AM over & over again. During the conference I was too concerned about trivial things like lost name tags. I should've picked up a Sharpie & handed it to an organizer to deal with it, but instead I stressed everyone out around me.

The next week I was prepping for our Teen Confirmation registration program & for our American Heritage Girls camping trip to Whidbey Island, WA. I have to admit the camping trip was fun, but I kept checking my phone as if someone else needed me besides my girls. The one night I had there I spent responding to emails, txts, & Facebook messages until the wee hours of the morning. With little sleep I wasn't much use to the AHG girls or leaders.

Then, I went on a three day mission trip to volunteer as a member of the 300 to support the organization 4US with very little left to give. The trip was amazing & so joy filled, but again I couldn't fully enjoy it. My sleep was wasted again responding to emails, txts, & Facebook messages. When I returned I looked like I'd run into a brick wall. By all accounts I looked tired, mad, and/or upset and I probably was.

Yesterday, at the team overnight with all five of us missionaries I finally fell asleep. For three hours I was knocked out on the couch. I can't remember the last time I slept that long in the middle of the day. I had been begging God to show me what was wrong & He gave me sleep.

Jesus said,  "Come to me, all you who labor & are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

And he reminded me of something Br. Declan Gibson told me at the Ignite Your Torch NW conference: "You must safe guard your prayer with a barbed wire fence & make time for GOD. You could do every good & holy thing and still be distant from God. Emma, even if the pope asked you to do something & it interfered with your prayer time you'd have to respond with, "I'm very sorry Holy Father, but Jesus is calling me to pray. He deserves that time because He bought my life & you're just the pope."

I kicked off my second year of mission with pride thinking I could do it all. I failed to share with or even ask Jesus what he wanted from me. So like a wise parent He tucked me in & made me sleep even though I went kicking & screaming. I am so glad He did & I am so sorry for my foolishness. I can't do it all & I can't do anything without Christ. Like Br. Declan said, "Jesus deserves & wants my time & presence." He wants & needs it more than anyone else. So, I resolve to rededicate my life to Christ & make more time for HIM. How can I even claim to know Him when we've spent so little time together?

Spend time with Jesus because HE loves you so much that He died for you. He deserves your time more than anyone else.

You Are Called

I’ve been absent from this blog for quite a while because God has been doing some work. You know how He likes to specialize in that “sandpaper ministry”. This past year has been incredible and hectic, fruitful and exasperating, joyous and trying.

It all started when I got home from my first year at the St. John Bosco conference last July. My heart could not have been more on fire for God when I got home. By that August I was in a small Christian community and openly defending the faith in my Eastern religions class, that’s another story. And by that November I was busy, successful, and then there was this guy…

I thought we were made for each other. Our meeting from the beginning was truly written by God, but ours wasn’t the ending I wanted. The sandpaper came in here because I was stuck between, “This guy is what I want” and “Is he what I need?” We didn’t make it and I was angry with God. For a while things were great and I was comfortable and then all of the sudden things sucked.

As if things couldn’t get worse, in prayer God told me to look for a job. I ignored Him for months making all kind of excuses. Finally, the “sandpaper” wore me thin and I knew I had to trust Him in this moment. I found five youth ministry jobs I would like and applied for an internship in Washington. My immediate thought was, “He won’t send me there, but I can at least say I tried.”

And wouldn’t you know it, I was hired in less than twenty-four hours. God is very funny and always has our best interests at heart even when we’re brats. Had you told me this time last year that I would be moving across the country I would've had you committed. For the longest time I’ve said, “If I’m doing youth ministry I’m doing it in Ohio!”

Had I been given my way I would probably be in a dead end relationship and too frustrated to be able to grow a fruitful ministry. As much as that “sandpaper” hurts we need to offer our suffering up with the knowledge that it will help another; all while remembering that God loves us and is with us always. God doesn’t call the equipped he equips the called and it takes work.

The sooner we let God take over the better. Trust me I know it’s not easy. I leave for Washington in eight days and it’s been tough, but it’s the moments that make you the most uncomfortable that prove to be the most rewarding. I can’t wait to see what happens next because this is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Pray that you and I may be given the strength to give God the control and trust that he has us in His hands.

Wanted: Prayer

In the time it’s taken me to get back to this blog I’ve been through a lot. I’ve lost my footing and stumbled, more like face planted half the time. I’m not out of the woods yet, but during the Lenten season I gained some perspective on the power of prayer and what it really means to be a disciple of Christ.

Lent is a time of fasting from and praying for the removal of what gets in the way of your relationship with God. In addition, it’s time to spend with God and ask Him what you need. Now nowhere in the Bible does it say that a maintaining a relationship with God is easy, although I spent ninety percent of Lent wishing it did. The Bible does say, however, that through it all God is with us.

“I will never forsake you or abandon you.” Hebrews 13:5 NAB

I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time remembering that in a struggle.

For Lent I gave up putting myself down and by the third week I was stressing. Then, my relationship with a guy ended in heartbreak. And as if I needed anything else to deal with, I found out I have a heart condition. In short, my Lenten experience was going downhill fast.

I felt like I was weak, out of control, and forgotten: three things that I hated feeling and refused to admit. I went into Easter angry with myself for failing and feeling like an idiot. I didn’t understand what the message of this struggle was and didn’t really care. All I knew was that I was thoroughly unhappy.

A week later I found myself sitting in the Blessed Sacrament chapel reading a reflection on discipleship with the rest of the leadership team. The whole time I was uncomfortable because I knew whom I was in front of and that I wanted to leave. It felt awkward being in front of the Lord in that moment. In my head I kept saying things like “Why am I even here?” and “I want to leave, but I can’t leave that’d be rude.”

I was forced to sit there in that silent awkwardness and listen to the Lord. I had to confront my bitterness and ask the Lord for help. I hated asking for help. My pride is so consuming at times that I would rather suffer than admit I need help with something. To me I was admitting I was weak which made me feel inadequate and I can’t stand being inadequate.

And of course what were we discussing in that moment, Luke 9:46-48, the story of the apostles arguing about who is the greatest. As much as I hate when the Lord calls me out and says, “Wake up and pay attention!” I love that He does it in a loving way. I went home that night and prayed hard. I sat in His embrace and heard in my heart, “You’re not the only one going through this valley. Others have been here and you need to ask for help. You need to ask for prayers.”

As I said before, I hate asking for help, but I know better than to disobey the Lord in this moment. I need your prayers so I can move on from this. But it’s not that I just need them, I want them. I know that prayer is our greatest weapon and the best medicine; I’d be foolish to not ask for pride’s sake.

Thank you prayer warriors.

Who Is Blessed?

Every time I write a witness talk it’s different. It could be the same story I’ve told for years, but how I prepare for each talk is wildly different. I sat down to write one on the meaning of being blessed and was amazed at God’s intervention. On Thursday night I was supposed to go to young adult group, but God’s plan isn’t always our plan. By the time I got the key and unlocked the room everyone had cancelled. Thinking I could be productive I sat down with a stack of loose leaf, a Bible, and “Ten Minute Daily Devotions for Teens”.

I almost never sit down with references to write a witness, but this time I guess I needed to. I had no idea how to define the word blessed so I looked it up. According to dictionary.com blessed means: consecrated, sacred, holy, sanctified, worthy of adoration and worship, divinely favored, or fortunate. This all sounded great, but it didn’t seem relatable. How was I supposed to write a talk on holiness? I am so far from it.

Frustrated I opened “Ten Minute Daily Devotions for Teens” to the day I am supposed to give this talk, August 14^th. The title of the page read, “Who Is Blessed?” Not giving it a second thought I laughed and continued reading. This is what it said:

“While he was speaking, a woman from the crowd called out and said to him, ‘Blessed is the womb that carried you and the breasts at which you nursed.’ He replied, ‘Rather, blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it.’ “

Luke 11:27-28

All of the sudden I knew where to go with the talk. I understood what anecdotes to tell. But I couldn’t have done any of it without Him. I don’t believe in coincidence or luck because that only goes so far. When it’s the power of God intervening in your life you know it. And if you know that you know what it means to be blessed. To allow God to use you is keeping His word. By relinquishing yourself to Him you trust His plans.

Trusting in Him is difficult especially when you need to most. Like when you’re having a terrible day and just can’t seem to see the good in it. God seems like your last priority, but He should be your first. You can’t pray to Him when it’s great and forget Him as your world seems to crumble. When you invoke His spirit and allow Him to fill you up you are blessed. If you don’t believe me think back to a time when you allowed that to happen. Do you remember the peace you felt? That was God.

We’re told in Colossians 3:15, “And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were called in one body.” Through out the Bible we’re called to be in communion with Christ every moment of our lives. When we invite Him in and keep Him in our hearts we become blessed. Finally, when we are blessed we achieve peace. It is a lifelong struggle to maintain this peace, but it’s not impossible.

Here is a prayer from “Ten Minute Daily Devotions for Teens” to help you ask God for help:

“Dear Jesus, you have proclaimed that I can be blessed, be holy, if I hear your word and obey it. Help me to be attentive to your word and live it. Amen” 

Invite God Into Your Hearts

Lent

When I was younger I hated Lent because I always had to give something up. So instead of giving up chocolate, which I love, I would give up hitting my sister or something silly like that. Now I realize how much I was missing.

Lent is a 40 day season in the Catholic church that remembers Jesus' fasting and temptation in the desert. The whole point of giving up something is to prayerfully sacrifice something just like Jesus did. 

So instead of looking at Lent as something I had to do I now look at it as something I should want to do. Just like my prayer life Lent should be for personal growth. And Lent doesn't have to mean giving something up, you are allowed to add something.

This year I tossed around a lot of ideas, but I kept coming back to adding some exercise. I decided to add yoga and bike riding to my life. It really tied in nicely because my research paper in English class is about the risks and benefits of yoga. It's always funny when things tie in.

But if you're still trying to figure out what to do for Lent here are some suggestions.

1. Facebook: This site can flood your life with some very unnecessary drama. By giving this up you'll quickly learn how much you depend on it and who your real friends are. OR You can make a resolution to post a quote, song lyric, photo, or some other sort of inspiration. You may never know how much someone needed to read that quote or hear that song.

2. Texting: This is a favorite among my friends because as a society our people skills are going down hill. Giving this up is a must try at anytime because we are all way to reliant on technology. OR As a family, give up texting at the table. My mom does this when the kids are over and I do this when my friends and I are out.

3. Food: It is so common to give up food, candy or soda, but what if you vowed to try new food. Since moving out I try two new fruits, vegetables, or cheeses per month. It is the greatest thing I have ever done. I learn so much about other cultures and develop a wonderful appreciation for the food I am blessed to have.

Remember, it's not about the quantity of the sacrifice it's the quality.