And God Gave Me Rest

This picture perfectly describes the last month & a half. I know this is what exhaustion looks like. Ever since I returned to Washington I've been on the move, literally. The first thing I did was move from one missionary house to another in less than twelve hours after I got off the plane. I compiled donations from this house. I cleaned up that one. I enlisted plenty of my hoodlums to move furniture. And I freaked out... I felt an urgency that no one put on me. I was even told, "Take a day or two. Get caught up on sleep." But I was overwhelmed because I wanted things to be perfect...

Despite the onset of frustration I just threw myself into more tasks seeking perfection. I staffed the Ignite Your Torch Northwest conference in Olympia, WA for the second year and it was a great conference, but I couldn't enjoy it. I spent the majority of my time before the conference working from 9:30 AM until 2 AM over & over again. During the conference I was too concerned about trivial things like lost name tags. I should've picked up a Sharpie & handed it to an organizer to deal with it, but instead I stressed everyone out around me.

The next week I was prepping for our Teen Confirmation registration program & for our American Heritage Girls camping trip to Whidbey Island, WA. I have to admit the camping trip was fun, but I kept checking my phone as if someone else needed me besides my girls. The one night I had there I spent responding to emails, txts, & Facebook messages until the wee hours of the morning. With little sleep I wasn't much use to the AHG girls or leaders.

Then, I went on a three day mission trip to volunteer as a member of the 300 to support the organization 4US with very little left to give. The trip was amazing & so joy filled, but again I couldn't fully enjoy it. My sleep was wasted again responding to emails, txts, & Facebook messages. When I returned I looked like I'd run into a brick wall. By all accounts I looked tired, mad, and/or upset and I probably was.

Yesterday, at the team overnight with all five of us missionaries I finally fell asleep. For three hours I was knocked out on the couch. I can't remember the last time I slept that long in the middle of the day. I had been begging God to show me what was wrong & He gave me sleep.

Jesus said,  "Come to me, all you who labor & are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

And he reminded me of something Br. Declan Gibson told me at the Ignite Your Torch NW conference: "You must safe guard your prayer with a barbed wire fence & make time for GOD. You could do every good & holy thing and still be distant from God. Emma, even if the pope asked you to do something & it interfered with your prayer time you'd have to respond with, "I'm very sorry Holy Father, but Jesus is calling me to pray. He deserves that time because He bought my life & you're just the pope."

I kicked off my second year of mission with pride thinking I could do it all. I failed to share with or even ask Jesus what he wanted from me. So like a wise parent He tucked me in & made me sleep even though I went kicking & screaming. I am so glad He did & I am so sorry for my foolishness. I can't do it all & I can't do anything without Christ. Like Br. Declan said, "Jesus deserves & wants my time & presence." He wants & needs it more than anyone else. So, I resolve to rededicate my life to Christ & make more time for HIM. How can I even claim to know Him when we've spent so little time together?

Spend time with Jesus because HE loves you so much that He died for you. He deserves your time more than anyone else.

Fruits of Your Labor

One of the many joys of working with kids is knowing you’re doing something good, something that may change their lives. Seldom will you see the fruits of your labor, but when you do it is something amazing. When you’ve seen the impact you’ve made on someone’s life it reenergizes you when you’re ready to quit. I have to say the glimpses I’ve seen have kept me going for some time now. But as I begin my certification in less than a week I am reflecting on them more and more.

The first time a kid said I inspired them was probably in my high school youth group. We had ended group for the night and I asked him how his week went. He told me he had to write a paper and that he actually enjoyed it. After some conversation he told me the paper was about someone who was a “Living Saint”. He had written the paper about me. At the time I’m not sure I was as appreciative as I should’ve been, but after all this time I’m still in awe. This instance really committed me to living out God’s plan for me. Honestly, without it I doubt I’d still be pursuing a career in youth ministry.

The most recent one was between my sister, Erin, and I over Facebook. Now, our relationship has suffered since I moved out, but we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently. Last night she posted one of those “truth is” statuses and I liked it just for fun. Normally people don’t really tell you the truth, but this time she did. I cried when read what she wrote on my wall. The message said, “The truth of one Emma: You are a very good person inside and out. I realize that I could be a better sibling to you. I also realize your frustrations are truly real. I thank you for being my guide through this world because you are the oldest and will experience most of the world before me.” More often than not I have neglected my family while ministering to others.  But she still had something truly real to say after everything we’ve been through. That's us in a face off in the picture above.

These are the two events that really stick out to me and I’m sure there are countless others, but in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Everyone will have similar events in their own lives, but you may not realize it at the time. With this we must live because of these events rather than dwell on topping them. No one will ever give me a better feeling than the one my sister gave me as I read that sentiment, but I’m still going to keep ministering. These wonderful lives I’ve touched give me hope for the future and remind me that we are all a part of something bigger. 

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Lent

When I was younger I hated Lent because I always had to give something up. So instead of giving up chocolate, which I love, I would give up hitting my sister or something silly like that. Now I realize how much I was missing.

Lent is a 40 day season in the Catholic church that remembers Jesus' fasting and temptation in the desert. The whole point of giving up something is to prayerfully sacrifice something just like Jesus did. 

So instead of looking at Lent as something I had to do I now look at it as something I should want to do. Just like my prayer life Lent should be for personal growth. And Lent doesn't have to mean giving something up, you are allowed to add something.

This year I tossed around a lot of ideas, but I kept coming back to adding some exercise. I decided to add yoga and bike riding to my life. It really tied in nicely because my research paper in English class is about the risks and benefits of yoga. It's always funny when things tie in.

But if you're still trying to figure out what to do for Lent here are some suggestions.

1. Facebook: This site can flood your life with some very unnecessary drama. By giving this up you'll quickly learn how much you depend on it and who your real friends are. OR You can make a resolution to post a quote, song lyric, photo, or some other sort of inspiration. You may never know how much someone needed to read that quote or hear that song.

2. Texting: This is a favorite among my friends because as a society our people skills are going down hill. Giving this up is a must try at anytime because we are all way to reliant on technology. OR As a family, give up texting at the table. My mom does this when the kids are over and I do this when my friends and I are out.

3. Food: It is so common to give up food, candy or soda, but what if you vowed to try new food. Since moving out I try two new fruits, vegetables, or cheeses per month. It is the greatest thing I have ever done. I learn so much about other cultures and develop a wonderful appreciation for the food I am blessed to have.

Remember, it's not about the quantity of the sacrifice it's the quality.

It's Not Forever

Recently my high school lost a graduate and a current senior in a car accident. The other driver was drunk and walked away without a scratch. When my friends and I heard about it we couldn't say a word. There was nothing to say. Two wonderful people were here and then they weren't. The response was astounding. Facebook was covered with well wishes and condolences. The crash site was adorned with flowers and gifts a few hours later. 

Grief is a funny thing. Plain and simple, it sucks, but it's necessary. If we don't allow ourselves to cry we can't move on. Through my grieving process I learned a few things.

     1. God really does have a plan.

          He decides who comes home and when. We do not have any control over God and we never will. To us it may seem unfair, but He needed them to come home.

     2. Justice will be served.

          The man who did this will get what he deserves, but that is all out of our hands. If the earthly court's decision is less than deserving, God will judge. I have no right to judge or condemn that man. He has to walk knowing what he did. Hopefully he can see the error of his ways and repent appropriately.

     3. There is still a reason to live.

          There will always be a part of you with them and vice versa. You cannot escape the hold they have on you. A piece of them is locked inside your heart. They become a part of you anfd your life. So you must live on.

Be happy for the time you spent together. Be hopeful for that moment when you'll meet again. Be alive because they want you to go on.

To all those angels, enjoy your time in peace and watch over us.