Thankful

Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year because it's huge for my family. We don't have football traditions, but we sure have cooking traditions. Over the years my mother and my uncle have spent their early holiday mornings trying to make their mother's turkey stuffing. Finally, they hacked it and it's become a staple of our celebrations despite the fact that my mother doesn't like it.

Tradition is big in my family. Everyone arrives at the house at least two hours before the meal to socialize and help. Then, the meal is served and we have boisterous conversations about years past. My sister Ellen never fails to incorrectly remember a situation the girls and I found ourselves in years ago. My sister Erin gives her the hardest time as our step-siblings encourage her with their giggling.

By meal's end we're in a fit of laughter as we wipe the tears from our eyes because everything was just that funny. The parents sit down to watch the latest series they've been watching on Netflix and the pie is served with a side of Granny's signature strawberry Jell-O. It's quite the sight and oh, how I miss them.

This is my first time away from home and my first Thanksgiving without them. Our 2,500 mile distance has never felt so far. It's a sacrifice for all of us, but from every sacrifice comes grace. My sisters are spending more time at home and our relationship via social media is improving. It's a joy to bear this struggle knowing we're all better for it.

So this Thanksgiving I am thankful for the struggles of life. It's only out of darkness that one can understand the importance of the Light. Through this particular struggle my life has been transformed. My spiritual life has never been so intense and my relationship with my mother has never been so genuine. So, this Thanksgiving whether it's a great one or not be thankful for your own struggles.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thriving in the Loneliness

How many times have you heard someone say, “You are not alone.” Many of you can think of at least a few times when this has happened, but how many of you believed it? As you think about it maybe you have the image of a family member or friend saying this to you and you shaking your head like, “Yeah right.” As much as you hate to hear it, they were right.

As human beings and people of faith we will go through seasons of blessings, belief, doubt, and despair. Each of these seasons is determined by our faith and when you’re lonely it’s hard to keep praying. It is so easy to just go through the motions. Whether you’re married, single, or living the religious life. You will be lonely it’s a fact of life. Your spouse is not the source of your contentment. No amount of school activities will fill your void. A community on it’s own cannot provide you with the support you’re seeking. So, what is the key?

In my small Christian community we’ve been studying the Theology of the Body. Every Tuesday afternoon we get together and listen to a talk and talk about what we heard. Tonight we talked about how hungry human beings are. We hunger to fill our void. We hunger for love, but the love we seek cannot be achieved unless we seek God. God is love, right? We are created to know, love, and serve Him, right?

As I sat and listened I felt so stupid! Our society would have us believe that we need a romantic relationship to fill our void or money, or a big house and the list goes on and on. The only thing that will fill that hunger, the same “hunger that drives great saints to know God” is GOD. (TOB)

Our problem is that we look for something to fill that void in all the wrong places. Christopher West from Theology of the Body explains this paradox very well, “That same hunger that drives great saints to know God can drive them to be great sinners.” I had never thought of it that way.

This is why being lonely sucks. The expression “being surrounded by a sea of people and feeling all alone” perfectly describes how I feel as a single person. It is so hard to wake up and go about my day and go to bed alone. Even though people at school and around town surround me at the end of the day I have two cats and a quiet home to go to. That’s not the kind of life I aspired to live. That’s not the life I read about in storybooks. That’s not the life happy people live.

Wrong. Plenty of happy people live a similar life. They are happy because they are thriving in their loneliness and/or singleness. They are walking with God. Every time they get lonely they can remember God is there. He may not be tangible in the moment, but he is there for you. He’s the listening ear, the song on the radio, and the pleasant weather. He’s even in your positive thinking about your current life.

A marriage may not last your whole life. You may not always live in a Christian community. Your singleness may not last forever. Even if your marriage lasts forever there will be business trips and times spent apart. Even in your community you will need to retreat. Even in your singleness you have the best companion. Being lonely sucks, but God can cure it.

Seek Him in your church communities. Get involved in Christ centered projects and groups. Pray everyday and build a relationship with Him. Serve Him with your gifts. Glorify Him in all that you do. God will fill your hunger and to do this you need to get to know Him.

Over the past month I've been struggling with this issue. It has been so hard to stay positive and not let myself be dismayed over not having a companion. But one of my fellow small Christian community participants put it perfectly, "He has you where you need to be." I found so much comfort in that and I hope you do to. Know that I am praying for all of you and I hope finding comfort in our creator will bring you out of your darkness and give you strength.

Fruits of Your Labor

One of the many joys of working with kids is knowing you’re doing something good, something that may change their lives. Seldom will you see the fruits of your labor, but when you do it is something amazing. When you’ve seen the impact you’ve made on someone’s life it reenergizes you when you’re ready to quit. I have to say the glimpses I’ve seen have kept me going for some time now. But as I begin my certification in less than a week I am reflecting on them more and more.

The first time a kid said I inspired them was probably in my high school youth group. We had ended group for the night and I asked him how his week went. He told me he had to write a paper and that he actually enjoyed it. After some conversation he told me the paper was about someone who was a “Living Saint”. He had written the paper about me. At the time I’m not sure I was as appreciative as I should’ve been, but after all this time I’m still in awe. This instance really committed me to living out God’s plan for me. Honestly, without it I doubt I’d still be pursuing a career in youth ministry.

The most recent one was between my sister, Erin, and I over Facebook. Now, our relationship has suffered since I moved out, but we’ve been seeing each other a lot recently. Last night she posted one of those “truth is” statuses and I liked it just for fun. Normally people don’t really tell you the truth, but this time she did. I cried when read what she wrote on my wall. The message said, “The truth of one Emma: You are a very good person inside and out. I realize that I could be a better sibling to you. I also realize your frustrations are truly real. I thank you for being my guide through this world because you are the oldest and will experience most of the world before me.” More often than not I have neglected my family while ministering to others.  But she still had something truly real to say after everything we’ve been through. That's us in a face off in the picture above.

These are the two events that really stick out to me and I’m sure there are countless others, but in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Everyone will have similar events in their own lives, but you may not realize it at the time. With this we must live because of these events rather than dwell on topping them. No one will ever give me a better feeling than the one my sister gave me as I read that sentiment, but I’m still going to keep ministering. These wonderful lives I’ve touched give me hope for the future and remind me that we are all a part of something bigger. 

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Uncommon Kindness

Yesterday something truly inspiring happened. My neighborhood is full of nosy people who call the city if your yard isn't up to snuff. This particular man that calls on us lives five houses down and walks up to our home to stare at our yard. He doesn't do this to anyone else because we're the only ones that call him out. Anyway, we got one of these nasty signs in our yard saying we had five days to clean up the yard. This isn't such a big deal since there's like one patch of weeds that needs done.

It was blazing hot yesterday morning so I planned on going out and working when it was cool at night. About two o'clock I hear my neighbor's lawn mower get really loud. The nice neighbor across the street had been mowing his lawn all morning. Since he's an older man I was worried he hit something. As I look out my window he rides past on his lawnmower.

This sixty something year old man road his lawn mower across the street to mow my lawn. I was astounded. It's not everyday someone in this neighborhood helps someone out. I brought him water and thanked him and checked on him periodically from the window. He just kept going and going for hours on end. Finally, I heard him ride his lawn mower home.

Just as I was sure he was done he came back and cleaned out the space up by the drive. There are always chewing tobacco tins and trash from kids and he got them out of the drain. Now, by this time he had already been outside for two of three hours in eighty degree weather. I had to persuade him to go home and take a break.

When I asked him why he was doing this he said it was to repay my family's kindness. For years we had helped each other out and yesterday we got to see how much we had done for each other. When his mother still lived there we always made that house our first stop for trick or treating. My mother and her would talk on a regular basis and just shoot the breeze. She even mowed their lawn when our neighbor had a broken arm and wasn't able to mow in time to get a similar sign out of his yard.

Both family's have been uncommonly kind to each other in a world that forgets we all fall on hard times. I am grateful for his kindness and even more grateful that we've lived across from each other for these past seventeen or eighteen years. Sometimes we get frustrated and ask God things like why we live in such a hateful world. I've asked Him that a lot lately, but yesterday he showed me there is hope.

To my neighbor, thank you.

1,000 Pageviews

So in celebration of over 1,000 page views from 10 countries I decided to post one of my favorite videos. Being able to have fun and bond over things is key in any faith. The best relationships I have in church related groups were started by something funny.

Thankfulness is another aspect of the Catholic faith and that's why I want to thank you. I appreciate the comments on and off the blog. Every time one of my followers tells me they are inspired I am so humbled.

This blog was started in the hopes that it would inspire others and clearly it has. I have felt very safe here because you give me the ability to share my thoughts. But most of all you have allowed me to be completely authentic. Since starting this blog I have been able to work through many of my issues just by writing and posting it here.

Take what you have learned and what you will learn from this blog and share it with others. Even if my "followers" list to the side never expands passed the six of you I know I am being heard.

Thank You and God Bless